Stones Collected: CONFIRMATION: little signs along the way that let you know your still on the right path.

It wasn't until I finished the mirror and stepped back to look at it that it dawned on me all that I had just done.  Needless to say I was standing there is shock, and a bit teary, when my husband poked his head in the door.  He had been watching me and I think out of concern more than anything, asked me if I was okay. You see normally if I had attempted such chore conquering, it would have landed me in bed for the rest of the day and possibly the next, leaving him to take care of me and everything else.  All I could say to him was, "I cleaned the Mirror....I cleaned the Mirror!"  The coolest part?  Even though I was a bit winded, I was not tired!  My muscles felt like I had used them, but not like I had hurt them!  Just last month,  cleaning this mirror alone would have put me out of commission for the day.  Today however, it has become a defining moment of just how far I have come.  Praise the Lord for this Victory and for the overwhelming HOPE that I now feel for my future!   Empowered by Grace and fueled by the might 90!  So excited! :D
 

Stones Collected:  CONTENTMENT: Letting go of the less important in order to focus on the most important; HOPE: The power to keep moving forward, no matter how difficult the journey.

March 30, 2013 
    
     Hiking is one of my loves in life.  I can't do it half as much as I'd like to because it simply wipes me out, sometimes for days :(  I did promise myself however, that I would go at least once a season, if only for a very short distance.  Well, yesterday we decided to kick off the season with a hike to Table Rock.  This is one of the more challenging hikes in our area with beautiful views and a HUGE lighted cross awaiting all those who make it to the top. I picked this particular hike to test my body and to see how I would do.  I have been taking the minerals and energy drink now off and on for a couple of months and I was curious to see what a bigger challenge than walking up and down my own stairs would do.  Ambitious?  Yes, but worst case was I would make it part of the way and need to turn back.  So, off we went. :D  As expected, I huffed and puffed my way up the trail veeeeerrrryyyyyy ssslllloowwwllllyyy, but in time, I finally made it to the top!! :)  I actually felt pretty good while I was up there too and had a great time climbing around and exploring with my guys! :)  I was feeling pretty darn optimistic, until about half way back down the trail.  Even with my slow going, and pacing myself, my legs began to shake with every step.  The more I walked, the more purposeful I had to be to avoid falling.  By the time we got to the bottom, my legs were visibly shaking, and I was having a really hard time controlling them.  I was seriously thinking that I would not be walking for the next few days.  To be quite honest I was disappointed.  I thought I was getting stronger than it seemed I really was. :( Reaching the top and being able to enjoy my time up there gave me a huge shot of confidence, but that was all but dissolved by every shaky step back down the tail.  I did finally make it back to the van, home and rested for the rest of the evening pretty heavy-hearted. Before I put my weary bones to bed, I prepared myself and my boys for what the next morning would bring. They would most likely be on their own while I rested. :(
I am so beyond excited to be able to tell you that this morning was a different story!!   I got up slowly, anticipating my normal achy muscles, and complete lack of energy.  Now when I say achy muscles, I know that not all will know what I mean.  You know that feeling when your body is coming down with the flu?  Achy, like something is wrong?  That is how my muscles feel most of the time anyway, but they would really feel bad all over my body after any exercise.  So not fun.  But then, there is work out sore.  Actually a good "I've used my muscles" feeling :)  Well I am sooooo happy to say that when I began to go about my morning, my muscles were not achy, but were in fact WORK OUT sore!!!!   How cool is that??
Yep, yep I think this stuff is really working!!

Stones Collected:  PERSEVERANCE: Sticking to the path that God is laying for you no matter how difficult

December 2012    
    
Health is not just a BIG deal, It's a HUGE deal....especially to those of us who haven't 
had it for a while.  :)   For me, It has been a looonnnggg road, but my Hope is that in sharing 
my Long road with you, It will help shorten your road back to health and life again.
    I chose this picture not to show off my cute puppy's :), or to show off my bad hair color, lol
but to show you my life for this past year especially.  

Me resting on the couch, after minimal effort during my day, was my reality.  Let me give you a little background:
      My health journey really began about 12 years ago, when I noticed some huge changes in my hormones between the births of my 1st and 2nd kids.  Were there issues before that?  
     Yes, some, but not enough to be a threat to my life or lifestyle so I didn't take much action.  Boy if I had only paid attention then...
Today I know that I was dealing with postpartum issues, but at the time, when talking to my doctor, he recommended an anti-depressant.  It scared me to do nothing, and so I followed his advice. After taking them for a very short time, I found out that I was pregnant with my second.  This made me angry actually because not only was I not comfortable with taking them in the first place, but I was now putting my little one at risk. So, I quit.  I knew that I would feel awesome during pregnancy because my hormones would level out.  This was my first clue that I was not anti-depressant deficient. Lol  
My little one was born and after I starting going south again with my hormones, I received a tip from a friend and found a Doctor who did saliva testing for hormones.  Sure enough, the results proved that I was way out of balance. It was very liberating to my brain, to see right there in black and white, that I was not making things up, and, I was fixable! :)
As expensive as that test was, it was worth every dime, just to see those results!
I then began to search for supplements and lifestyle changes that would improve my health.  I went to massage school as a great way to not only help myself, but as a way to help other's as well.  After all of my efforts, however, when my body became too weak to give a good massage, the red flags went up again and I had to re-evaluate.  I re-did blood work a few times, to which they always found the I had "Nothing out of the ordinary."  Then, 18 months after the birth of my 3rd child, I was diagnosed with Mono.  My fatigue level hit an all time low, and on the day that I stood staring at my floors, literally talking myself through mopping them, I new something was way wrong.  In talking to another friend, she suggested that I be tested for Mono.  So I did, and though I had to ask 3 times to be tested because again that Doctor kept talking depression, I tested positive for the Epstein Barr virus.   Relieved, but without any real help because a virus has to "run it's course", I took matters into my own hands and quickly began a juice fast.  At the time I had 3 little ones and was also babysitting so really who has time for Mono?? :D  I did great on the juice fast and actually felt better than I had in a long time...until I started eating real food again.  I knew that I couldn't just drink juice forever and so for the next 7 years, I tried many diets, supplements, fasts and cleanses until I could no longer justify the large expense for the small results that I was receiving.    
      This past year has been the worst yet. In all of my internet searching of various conditions, In effort to diagnose myself, 
I would say that I have the most symptoms related to Chronic Fatigue. My muscles ache all the time and the amount of energy that I wake up with in the morning has grown smaller and smaller.  I have quit doing a lot chores around the house because they used to much energy or caused me to much pain.  I have quit exercising and doing things that I really love, like hiking and being outside with my kiddo's.  Even board games on some days take too much mental and physical energy.  I have gone from actively homeschooling my kids, to sleeping through their questions or reading assignments.  I have still tried to adjust my diet, but some days I literally am too foggy in the head to put menu's together, let alone make the food.  I have pulled out of all outside activities and shut down most of my social life. I just don't have it in me to be "on" for people, and I feel bad when I am, and then can't be for my own kids.  I feel guilty for all that I can no longer do, and yet didn't have enough energy to do anything about it.  
     It was at this point, a few weeks ago, that I had a "snapping" moment.  I hit my rock bottom I guess because It was then that I decided that no matter what it took, I was going to get myself well because It is ridiculous in my mind, to shut down my life at 36 years of age while my kids are still very much in need of me!  I have known all along that God made my body to  heal, if I can just give it what it needs.  My challenge thus far has been finding what that means for me.  I do know that what I am dealing with can be fixed nutritionally.  I know that caffeine is NOT my friend, but I have had to drink coffee everyday,just to be halfway coherent.  I also know that gluten might not be my friend either, but have been too scared to jump off that lifestyle change cliff.  Or so I have made it be in my mind :)   
After my snapping moment, I had a talk with my brother who had joined a company that had an energy drink that was not full of harmful ingredients and had no caffeine.  I tried it right away and loved it!  I have been able to get totally off of coffee and am able to function for about half the day, which was a huge improvement!  After about 2 weeks of taking the energy drink I had my, "I AM WORTH FIGHTING FOR moment!"  (probably because I was thinking more clearly :D). 
     I know as women sometimes we can give until there is literally nothing left of ourselves, and honestly, I used to think that was almost noble. Now I am convinced that it's totally foolish.  Why do would we do this?  We have loved ones that need us and rely on us, so why would we not take care of ourselves?  Believe me, I totally understand the "why", but I am suggesting that it is not selfishness to care enough about yourself to be healthy.  It's actually a very Godly principle that falls under the stewardship category.  We are to take care of everything that we have been given, and yes that includes our own bodies :D  I don't know about you but, this revelation was very freeing for me.  The Lord also confirmed this for me when He told me at an Encounter service at church this past fall, saying that "It is irresponsible to pray for healing, when you won't stop eating foods that will harm your body."  I got it.  Just like I can't get upset at my car for not working properly if I put the wrong fuel in it,  I can't get upset or even discouraged when my body is not functioning the way God created it to, because I continually give it the wrong fuel.  This told me several things:  God is still with me, and directing my steps, that the fuel that my body needs is in fact still available, and that jumping off of the that Gluten cliff is to be my next step.

So, the plan from this point forward?  As 2013 begins, I will eliminate  gluten, try and eat as "clean" and I can, begin a new regimen of the 90 essential nutrients that my body needs to build and repair itself, continue to pray my little heart out, and move forward in the knowledge that God will direct my path.  So hopefully by this time next year, I just might be able to again post a pick of me lying here on my couch.  Not because I have used up my energy for the day by simply walking down my stairs,  but having collapsed in the joy of knowing that I have used up every ounce of the energy that God has given me throughout an overflowing day of service to Him and fun with my kiddo's :D  I am worth fighting for....and You are too!  Stay tuned!  I will keep you updated on my progress. :D

Stones collected:  STEWARDSHIP: taking care of me, so that I can take care of those I love; VALUE:  I am worth fighting for; FAITHFULNESS: God is faithful to complete every good work that He begins :D; SUBMISSION:  Submitting to the process and learning the lessons hidden within every situation;  PERSEVERANCE: the Will to Keep Moving forward